Everything But Imaginary #362: Back to School

Here we are again, friends, August. For many of us across the country it’s time to roll up the slip-n-slide and roll out the loose leaf paper. Desks are getting full, parents are getting excited, teachers are stocking up on paperclips and ibuprofen. It’s time friends. To go Back. To. School.

We here at Everything But Imaginary Global Headquarters, being perhaps the last refuge of cutting-edge journalism in the midst of a cultural wasteland, have turned our considerable resources toward obtaining interviews with some typical high school and college-age students to find out what’s relevant to today’s youth. Going to the sock hop? Hanging out down at the quadrangle? Maybe listening to some of the Justin Bieber? Let’s see what these kids have to say when we ask them…

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS SCHOOL YEAR?

• Tim Drake Wayne, Gotham University: This year I hope to find Bruce Wayne, keep up the pretense that I’m engaged to Tamayra Fox for some inexplicable reason, and convince Vicki Vale that we’ve got nothing to do with Batman and Robin. Ooooh… um, can you strike that last part? Thanks. Whooo, I’d hate to see that show up on the internet.

• Mark Grayson, Upstate University: I’m going to study abroad this summer. Like really abroad. And while I’m out there, I’ll be spending some quality Man-Time with my Dad and little brother. Oh – that and trying to keep my intestines inside my stomach.

• Veronica Lodge, Riverdale High School: I’m going to do whatever it takes to get that new boy at school, Kevin, to notice me. He’s been playing hard to get, but sooner or later they all give in to the Lodge Charm… why is Jughead laughing like that?

• Alex Power, Reed Richards Institute For Really Smart Kids Who Are Not His Son: Well, we already sort of found a cure for the Thing, but it’s hard to come up with new projects when your teacher has already invented everything in the world. I mean, the guy has a time machine in the broom closet for crying out loud. I’ll settle for finding the best New York style pizza within three blocks of the Baxter Building.

• Greg Willis, Empire State University: I’m kind of getting back into school after some unexpected time off… I’m making new friends, hanging with a new crowd… the tough part is trying to not let certain people weigh me down too much. I tell you, some of the folks in this school can be real bastards.

• Virgil Hawkins, Dakota The-City-Not-The-State Magnet School: I’ve been hanging with some good friends lately, but I think it’s time to strike out on my own. It won’t be easy, but I’ve done it before. Hopefully, this time around I’ll really get to shock the world. Heh – get it? Shock? Stop calling me “shock,” it’s not part of my name.

• Magnus “Robot Fighter” Schlaggman, North Am Regional Learning Centre and Robot Smackatorium: I’ve got my thesis to worry about this semester. My working title is “Steel Smashing Fists: Practical Applications and Applied Theory of Beating the Crap Out of Robots.” I’m working on the final research study now and let me tell you, it can’t be over soon enough. I swear, I’m starting to feel like I’ve done all this twice before already.

•May “Mayday” Parker, Midtown High School: EXPELLED.

• Conner Kent, Smallvile High School: The Kent family has been here in Smallville for a long time now, so I know I have a lot to live up to. I think I’m ready, though. I’ve been in town for a while, I’ve gotten to know the place, and I’m ready to go out and make it on my own, provided the new instructor was just kidding about making me wear those deer antlers.

• Ken Mack, Avengers Academy: School ain’t what I always expected it to be. I always thought I would be in the curriculum for the top students, but it turns out I’m kind of in the “troubled” student class. But hey, no big deal. Me an’ my squad, we’re used to being underestimated. Look out, Mr. Baldwin. We’re gonna show ya what A-Students are really made of.

• Jason Rusch, Ivy Town University: this semester just started and it already sucks. My new roommate and I have a kind of bitter history, but there’s no way we can transfer away from each other. We’re stuck together. And if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s somebody else who’s been causing problems for the both of us. Ronnie and I are going to have to find a way to take care of this together without killing each other first.

Favorite of the Week: August 4, 2010

Speaking of Jason Rusch… Climbing to the top of the heap last week, in no small part because of the revelatory nature of the issue, was Brightest Day #7. While many of the various characters in this series have gone up and down in terms of how entertaining their story is (I’m just not digging Hawkman, but Firestorm and the Deadman stuff is fantastic), this issue finally gets into the meat of why the Blackest Night Twelve were brought back from the dead. Like any really good mystery, though, when that particular question was answered, it opened up the doors to even more mysteries. “Why they came back,” as it turns out, is by no means the biggest question mark in this story, and that realization made this issue just damned enjoyable for me.

Blake M. Petit is the author of the superhero comedy novel, Other People's Heroes, the suspense novel The Beginner and the Christmas-themed eBook A Long November. He’s also the co-host, with whoever the hell is available that week, of the 2 in 1 Showcase Podcast and the weekly audio fiction podcast Blake M. Petit’s Evercast. E-mail him at Blake@comixtreme.com and visit him on the web at Evertime Realms. Read past columns at the Everything But Imaginary Archive Page.